Family vs Career ?

First and foremost, this post has nothing to do with me.. Just a random one that I have been wanting to write after a few discussions with friends...

Okay... I'm not really good at writing.. But hopefully, I can just scribble this topic in here so that one day, if I have to decide, then I know where to look for answers..

After 3rd year, we are allowed to do BSC... Ie- interclated degree... To get double degree la... Another year in med school or uni.... Worth it or not ?? Well, I don't have to decide anything because it's out of the question totally... Mmg MARA tak bagi kot... But then, I have few good friends who are having the difficulties to decide... They applied for the course and some of them got in.. But then, they couldn't decide whether to accept it or not...

I always wonder what I wanna do in the future.. Secara jujurnya... GP is amazing.. I would love to be a GP.. Tu kalo kat UK la under NHS... Sebab kalo kat msia GP private la kiranya... So, down the drain.. Unless ade org nak uruskan the business part.. Obs and Gynae... Love it... But I don't like the theatre part.. I don't like surgery... After what happened during my 4 weeks of Surgery placement, I hate Scrubs.. and Masks... But then, I still have time to think...

Ok, berbalik kepada topic awal.. My friends ada yg nak kena decide nak wat Neuroscience ke tak.. Or something else for their BSC... Or not do it at all... Sebab another year in med school... Which means another extra year before getting their 1st job, and own money and settle down... But then, what if in the future, when u are applying for jobs or specialist training and u found out that u didnt get in because ada org yg ada BSC yg dpt.. That was the main dillema..

But then, for girls, most of us will just settle down as GPs... Kalo yg family person la... Sebab more flexible... Kalo nak compare dgn jd neurologist... So, u don't need a BSC to get into GP training right ?? But another question is, how do we know, what's gonna happen in 5 years time ?? Nobody knows... Since sume tgh single mingle skang, tak de la rasa akan kawen in 5 years time... My friend asked me once, what if we stay single forever ??? So, career is gonna be our babies.. And life... And what if we decided to do something BIG... And then, u decided to start a family and then, your specialist training tergantung sebab kawen, anak sume....

So, the main issue that we have been discussing all this while is, how do we decide ?? Because, my friend said that kalo dia dah ada stable boyfriend and tau akan settle down soon, that surely she'll decide to do something lighter so that she can focus on her family.. Sebab graduate nanti umur dah 25... Kalo nak tunggu jd SPR baru nak settle down, dah tua kot... But, kalo tgh single skang and rasa2 tak akan kawen... She'll go for the specialty of her choice.. Her passion...

See.. I'm not good at writing.. But in the end... nobody knows what's gonna happen... But we have to make decisions based on our life now I supposed... Because nothing is certain.. Like for me... I don't want another year in uni.. Easy ?

Done.. Alhamdulillah...

See this picture below...


It's a tendon hammer.... Ok.. I'm not here to talk about that thing.. Tp, pasal OSCE... But the fact that my knees are in pain.. Sebabnye.. We practised OSCE's on each other and smpai lebam badan2... For reflexes... And, after being so confident about peripheral nervous system nye examination, everybody did the wrong one... HAHAHA (sedih).... Ceritanya begini...

Ada satu station ni, the patient was presented with back pain.. Please examine her thoracic and lumbar spine... And it was my 1ST station.. dah ah mengelabah.. lupa nak basuh tgn sume... So, I just did a spine examination la termasuk la cervical.. Sebab tak paham soklan.. Then, dah abis, examiner tanya, ada ape lg nak buat and any differentials ?? And last2 baru tepk, I would examine the nerves.. Fine.. and bunyi buzz... So, kuar la... Dah abis tu, lepas sembang2 dan berbincang dgn sume org yg OSCE hari ni kat hosp lain pun... Sume ckp, apparently kena examine back with the lower limb (Peripheral nerves)... What ??? Ada sorang consultant bgtau kat students time exam suro buat... so, ktorg sume tak buat.. And I'm really sure I didnt see any tendon hammer in the consultation room during my exam.. ARGH !! agak emo la... There goes one station... Maybe ada hammer dlm tu, but maybe tgh menggelabah terus tak sedar... Benci la.. Kalo dia ckp awal dekat instructions, confem dah leh wat... Saya tak suka med school !

And another station dpt examiner yg ARGH BLERGH !! Mcm mmg emo gle lepas station ni... Examiner ni kerek gle... Tanya soklan gaya kerek.. pastu ble kte present findings suka underestimate and buat gaya sume yg kte wat salah.. Sume org kena benda yg sama.. EEEEEEEEE...Tak bleh blah... (So, nanti be nice to your students)...

And another station, I ckp patient tu nye heart normal, sdgkan dia ade ASD.... I did hear the murmur... Tp, tak berani ckp sbb pulmonary stenosis... mcm tak common sgt.. So, ckp normal... hampeh !!!

Byk la drama hari ni.... Ada patient tak nak bg consent utk PR sdgkan I only have 6 minutes to do a PR examination.. Penat pujuk.... Last2 kena buat cepat2...

After all, WE ARE DONE with year 3 EXAMS... tinggal my oncology project that is due next week... And then after that BANGOR for SSC... Tp, kan, abis exam kali ni tak rasa mcm happy sgt.. Maybe I just know it's a never ending story... tgk la.. ni ada projects lagi.. Then, lepas ni byk lg EXAMS and OSCEs menunggu...

And... I'm tired of Med School... sungguh... baru examine or talk to 10 patients td pun dah letih... Bygkan kalo kena buat lg byk ??

Dear John..

Yesterday... After the exam.. I didnt know what to do.. But staying in the house just drove me crazy because i keep on checking my answers in the exam...

So, I told my BFF that I needed some distractions... Because I need to stop thinking about the past... Cewah...

And there came my friends and took me out.. 1st place...Matalan.... Nobody bought anything.. Sebab tak de baju yg menarik.. Then, we went to get food from Morrisons and later went to Sanam's flat at Cardiff Bay.... And after that ODEON !!!

We watched Dear John !!! And knowing me who is super duper sensitive... I did cry in the cinema... It was quite sad la.. But apparently, the ending in the book is a bit different...

But, dah nangis mcm baby... balik rumah terus tido.... then, bgn pagi, sakit kepala and mata bengkak.... hahahahaha......

Ok.. need to get back to revision for OSCE !!

The big E !!

Finally... I'm free from the 9 panels... Alhamdulillah.. Keputusannya ??? Tunggu 28 May nanti... haha...

Now, I just have to keep praying... Because I'm not sure how i did in the exam.... It was quite difficult.... They asked the most random stuff ever.. Like who created polio vaccine... And what kind of shot gun wound.... And some stuffs that were not even in lectures.... Takpa la.. Kalo ade rezki, insyaAllah pass....

Doa je... Now, focus plak utk OSCE.... next Wednesday... Ada 10 stations... So, akan mula pulun !!

Please don't cry !!!! You are not allowed to go through another breakdown...

Stress..

Exam is in 4 days time.. Quite a lot of people are asking how am I feeling etc... And to be honest, I keep on saying that I'm feeling fine... Alhamdulillah....

But, I was lying... Because my body didn't say so... My body has its own reactions to develop with stress... Maybe mulut ckp tak stress, but my brain knows.. Dan ditunjukkan melalui beberapa signs/symptoms...

1) Mouth ulcer... Dah lama tak kena.. Tbe2 dpt yg besar skali.. Amik ko... Mkn byk je buah.. Minum byk je air.... Tapi, tak hilang2 gak.. And kalo check kat cermin.. BESAR wei....

2 ) Dandruff... Mmg akan kuar mcm snow ble stress... Shampoo sakan pun, byk gak..

3 ) Gastric reflux.... Ie acid reflux from the stomach.. Yg ni memang horror... Mmg sejak dpt uk salu dpt reflux.. dont ask me why.. But salunye minum susu suam, jd ok.. But not this time around.. Smpai dekat 2 jam berguling atas katil.. It's central chest pain that radiates to the back.. Was thinking about dissection of aorta ke ape.. But, tak de la.. lepas 2 jam hilang... and other symptoms correlates with reflux....

4) Eating - Sume bnda nak mkn.. Tak penah kenyang..

5) Non stop talking smpai lupa nak bernafas... My fren said this... She realised that I was having a panic attack when I just couldnt stop talking.. laju lak tu...

And sume org tanya, ape perasaan nak kena g Bangor 9 minggu ?? Ntah ah.. tak de perasaan lagi skang.. Maybe akan menangis on the Sunday before nak pegi tu ??

Ok la. need to get backt to Thyroid revision...

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME...

Nasib sebuah beg...

First of all, sebuah ke ??? Bahasa pun dah tak betul..

Anyway, I bought this bag bulan Sept... Time first2 stat placement.. Usung ke GP, and then MED kat Merthyr.. Sampai la skang...

And today, last day of placement, I decided to throw it away.. Tgk la apa dah jadi ngan beg tu... Sebab beg sentiasa berat... Isi mcm2... Tp, 3 blocks pakai.. ok la tu....



Nanti SSC bawak beg plastik jela eh... Or, buy a new bag ????

Anyway, ni kuar dr topic... Tgh tgk ER... Then, baru perasan, dalam mata Elizabeth Corday ada pigmentation jugak... Sama mcm my right eyes... Adakah ini bermaksud saya akan menjadi surgeon jugak ???

:)

Finally....

Cepat kan masa berlalu ?? Sedar tak sedar.. Yesterday we had our last lecture in Year 3... Lepas exam, terus g UHW utk lecture.... Gigih betul med school saya ni... suka benor la menyusahkan student.. dari Student Union lepas exam, terus g Hospital... Takpe la.. Berkorban..

And esok last day placement... Dah abis Cardio... Cepat gle...Waktu bulan 9 dulu ingat mmg tak akan abis placement ni.. History and kejar consultant mintak signature... Then, smpai penah nangis2 sebab dpt consultant yg mcm tak nak sign.. mcm2 drama la...

Today, we had a discussion with this one consultant about some specialty yg didominasi oleh the testosterone population.. IE byk laki la... Contohnye Cardiology, Orthopaedics... Baru sedar yg tak de sorang pun Consultant pompuan Cardio kat Heath.... But, byk plak org in my year yg nak jd Cardiologist.. Pompuan la... Tp, dlm group placement ktorg mmg tak byk laki pun... ade 4 laki je out of 24... heh...

Waktu jln balik tu asyik dok pk, specialty ape je yg banyak pompuan ?? And I got the answer !! GP !!!!! Agak logik la... sebab GP nye time lagi flexible kan....

Ok la.. need to get back to work.. Still trying to revise Health in Society !!!!!!

Glucoih....

Our brain needs glucose... The organ that requires only glucose as the source of energy.. (That's the only thing that I learned in med school).. hehe...

So, memandangkan study utk exam, jadi demand for glucose pun bertambah.. selama ni otak tak bekerja.. and tbe2 kena bekerja keras... terus la kena makan banyak...

Jadi, anak dara ni pun masak sakan la.. tiap2 kali exam, mesti masak mcm2.... So, I made rice krispies 'cake' yesterday... sebab mini eggs murah lak... Plus, benda paling senang nak buat... And leh bawak g library... And teman2 yg selalu ke library skali dpt la mknan free...




And today, i made nasik lemak.... Utk bfast, lunch kat library and dinner....

Dlm bekas dah.. bekal utk lunch

Bahagia - makan nasik lemak sambil tgk F1... Malangnya Michael Schumacher dah tekuar... ceh... penat ja bgn awal....

Now, tak leh decide nak g library skang ke atau tunggu f1 abis... heh.... Because tgk F1 ni bg homesick je... hurm...

p/s : Mama jgn risau niyah gemuk... Skang ni hari2 jln g library... and time placement turun naik tangga 5 tingkat.. So, tak gemuk kot... Kalo gemuk time exam ni, lepas exam niyah pi jogging hari2... :P

Argh !!!!

Skang ni kat library.... Dah nak bengong kepala otak.. stress !! Ni tgh break la konon.. so dtg la comp room... nak nangis... kenapa perlu ade exam !!!

xxx

Sejuk....

It's 1st of April.... And last 2 weeks the whether has been amazing.. Tup2, bertukar terus...Hujan lebat and kesejukan... And semlm snow sebentar....

Ni spring ke winter ?? Sejuk gle kot.. Elok dah pack heater masuk kotak last week sebab rasa mcm semak and dah tak perlu, tgk2 sejuk balik..... Plus, last week jugak la ktorg tukar timer heater... Dah ah baru dpt bill from Swalec... Terbang 100pounds utk gas and electricity winter time... Waaaa... so, skang berkesejukan lah kami....

Hurm.. Banyak benda nak cte.. I've got signed off.. Heee.... Lagi seminggu patutnye Cardio, but we were cheeky... Sbb Dr. W (one of my consultant) kata he's not gonna be in next week, so, ktorg suro dia sign.. Padahal ade lagi 2 consultants lain... And today presented another history, so, dah cukup 4... ngeh2.. Bahagia... Kalo ikutkan, mmg tak yah g la.. Tapi, byk org said to me "You are still gonna come in right ? U are too nice not to come in.."... I'm taking that as a +ve thing..... Saya baik.. hehehe....

And baru je submit SSC choices tadi... I have >50% chances utk end up dekat Bangor... Sbb most of the choices yg tak payah transport is in Bangor... But, think about it again, banyak org akan end up kat sana.. After all, it's not gonna be that bad.. I might cry 1st sebab nak kena g 9 minggu kot.. or maybe less... But, we can go sightseeing on the weekends.. so, tak pe la...

Emotionally, sume org tgh emo... Ari ni sume ckp pasal emo masing2 before teaching... Dah ah 7 org ja dtg.. out of 24... So, ade sorang laki je.. Kesian dia kena layan kerenah pompuan2 yang emo.... And dia mesti akan tanya, is it the time of the month ?? Ces.... Susah ckp ngan budak medic ni.. tak de explanation lain...

Ok la... nak solat Asar... SEJUK... nak g amik wuduk un takut... heh...
xxxx